Dec 12, 2021 • 9M

Shift Out of Loneliness

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OnePerfect Shift is an audio letter from a psychologist that shifts you into a better state of mind anytime. Each post gives you a fresh look at your relationship to your mind and reminds you how much control you can have over your life experience.

Life can be very lonely sometimes, can't it?

It's not just about the perspective you bring.

Life cycles, regardless of your perspective.

So that means sometimes you're naturally oriented more to different aspects of life.

And one of those aspects is the human objective experience of being separate.

And therefore, potentially feeling alone and lonely.

When you drop deeply into presence it's very possible to connect yourself to life — to connect yourself to everything.

That, to me, is the most obvious way to shift out of loneliness in the moment.

And we can do that today.

But I think it's also useful to think about another approach to shifting out of loneliness too.

We can think about it as a complementary approach…

Putting your love into the world.

One way to think about loneliness is to understand it as a reaction to not feeling love coming toward you.

That's why this this idea, this action — this activity of putting your love into the world — is so important.

Because it is your ‘putting love into the world’ that is part of the cycle of bringing love to you.

The challenge can be, sometimes, that it feels like you have to put so much love into the world in order to get love back.

But it might be that the love that you're putting into the world is bringing love back to you in a way that you're not noticing — or that you didn't anticipate.

And that recognition — if you can see it — can also impact that sense of loneliness that may be underlying some idea that you're putting love in the world, and you're not feeling it back.

So there are a few ways to address loneliness —

  1. Dropping into presence.

  2. Putting your love into the world, (i.e. making sure you're doing that to participate in shifting yourself out of loneliness).

  3. Noticing whether love may in fact be coming into you, but you are looking for it in a different form.

  4. Being very realistic by understanding that sometimes things take time. You may need to put a lot of love in the world before it comes back to you.

I’m not a big fan of pretending that there's not real, sincere, and genuine, and authentic, and accurate feelings of loneliness that we each have throughout life.

But I am suggesting that shifting out of that experience in the ways that we're talking about today — those that feel authentic to you — is a great practice.

So how are you putting love into the world?

And, is it possible that it's coming back to you (if you're feeling lonely) in a form that you weren't anticipating — but nevertheless in a beautiful form?

Maybe sit with those questions as we dive in the silence for a minute together.

Long, deep breath.


Think about this form of love coming into your life:

The fact that you are a miracle — you're a living miracle, buzzing with life.

And when I say ‘living miracle,’ a big part of what I'm talking about is the 30 trillion cells of your body that are buzzing you into life each moment are completely connected to your environment.

The air that you breathe in, that feeds you.

The oxygen that gives you the breath of life.

So we're not alone in that sense.

We are fully connected to life and to our environment.

If you feel that, is that another way that can bring you out of loneliness?

Or, into seeing the love that's coming back to you in a different and clearer way?

Sit with that as we just connect with our body.

I’d like to spend some time in pure silence with you today.

So I'll just talk you through entering your body.

Place all your attention into your body.

Notice its buzzing aliveness.

I use to remind people that you can squeeze your thumb really hard — squeeze your left thumb for three or four seconds.

And then release it, noticing the sensations that arise when you release — the buzzing aliveness of your thumb.

And that will help you pick it up strong — that buzzing, tingling life in the rest of your hand.

And then bring it into your whole body.

What is that?

That's you alive, aspect of life, never alone, sometimes lonely.

So feel that.

And let's just sit in that feeling state and see what arises for you for the next minute.

All your attention feeling your body and listening to life.


Did anything come up?

As I listened, I heard a question:

How are you putting your authentic love into the world?

Is it flowing through you as a reaction — as gratitude to being aspect of life, to being alive and connected to everything?

How is that awareness flowing through you into the world?

Is it flowing in the form of gratitude, or care, or love, or sensitivity, or art?

How is it flowing?

Do you notice that within that flow — within that giving of yourself — you are more deeply connecting to the world?

That awareness absorbs and subsumes the sense of loneliness a lot of times.

Anyway, food for thought :)

Let's take another couple deep breaths and say goodbye for now.

Set that intention to remain present.

And have a great day.



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